there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
