honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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