we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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