i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Gay?
German.
Pity.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
