White coat. Heels.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
