I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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