You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
