Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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