dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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