After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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