I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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