so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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