so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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