This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
