you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
