The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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