Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
