I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
