Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
