I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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