I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
