How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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