I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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