I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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