Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
