Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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