If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
