Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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