Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
