you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
