Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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