you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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