My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
