Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize