Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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