i jhust puked up my retainher.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
