btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
