We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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