i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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