woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
