Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
