I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
