So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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