I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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