I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
