My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
