I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
