I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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