i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
