SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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