he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
two words: eviction party
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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