I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
