The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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