no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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