I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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