Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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