think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
