had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
