im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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