If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
