How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize