this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
