i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
