the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
