Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
