I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
