is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
