glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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